keinsafan

V Day Special

2005-02-12T02:45:54Z

I have been telling myself. Update Shay, update. Look at all those people who have come to seek your bitchy rants and stuff. Unfortunately, there isn't much to say here. Yes, nothing.

I'm single. Yes, again. Though I'm attached. Sounds confusing. Even I am. Yes, I am in a relationship but something about it bugs me. My current bf thinks all I ever did to him was treat him as a rebound love. Yes, him being a substitute for someone I affectionately call "Haiya". For those who know him, let it be to yourselves and yes, I'm still contacting him. I still miss him and yes, he did tell me he still loves me though time is a factor cause he's still fickled. That stupid fickled headed bastard. Heh.

Now, the relationship is rocky. I don't even think it's gonna pass by Valentine's Day. He won't be there for me. He's all cooped up for his JC studies and whatever crap. He no longer gives me what I want. Sucks. And yes, he still think it's rebound love and to a certain extent, it's true but then again, I wouldn't be in a relationship with him if I didn't love him.

Thanks Yaohui for the treat yesterday. A movie treat was what I needed in this stupid game of love. Much appreciated.

Boy next door? History. He doesn't like me. Period. And I'm losing my feelings for him. He told my colleague I liked his brother. Oh well, yes, his brother is much more handsome but I have no feelings for him. *shrug* I'm fickled. My classmates should know that.

Anyhow, about school, I have already been reserved a place in TP for Law and Management; this time in 2007/2008 intake. I can't wait. Two more years down the road and I will be in poly. Woots! I'm gonna head down to TP and RP's open house since I have nothing to do.

What will I do on V Day? Go for my medical checkup. Yes, since my last one was way back in November 2003 so they need an update. If all goes well, I'm going in 15th of March. Wish me luck guys. I'm psyched but at the same time apprehensive about the whole thing. I'm gonna lose all of my baby fats. I love them.

Well, period is that I'm single now. I don't care. Anyone wants to date me now? I'm available. ;)

Jasmine Trias! I love you!

2004-05-12T15:50:30Z

I didn't want to do this entry actually but meh, I just feel like doing it. Anyway, as for today, no rants as it was all quiet in school, which for me is a good thing really. I was really tired hearing about people bitching about me and then, me bitching about them. I don't wanna care about others anymore. I just want to think about me and only me. Whether I will enjoy my holidays depends on how I will do for my exams.

I think I'm really not prepared for the upcoming examinations. Friday, that's a promise. I will start studying on Friday onwards. If I'm not, someone kindly tell me to do so cause the exams are starting on next Friday!! Aargh!! One week to prepare for Accounting. Then, it will be 4 days for Costing and then 3 days to Auditing. Must study hard Shay. Woot!

American Idol was on my must watch Wednesday as usual. The final four are finally battling it out. My favourites? Latoya and Jasmine at the moment. Why Jasmine? Hel got me into it. Blah, Hel. Her performance today was questionable. Whether she will stay or will she go. If she goes, there goes off a Asian in the competition. I'm not complaining really. I loved her second performance of "It's Raining Men." *shrug* Too bad, the judges didn't like it that much.

America, vote for Jasmine!!

Heh, that's all for now. I'm off to study a bit and sleep later.

shrug

2004-05-11T12:43:53Z

Same post as my diary here.

Just came back home. Had a rough day towards the end of school. That confrontation was totally expected. Like I told Charles, I expected it. He said to shrug it off but I believe that intuitions never lies. It did happen. Was I shocked? Yes. Afraid? Yes. Hurt? Yes. Did I want to fight back? Yes but I rather not.

As much as I wanted to, I knew I was at a losing end cause I'm never the one who actually got into physical fights before. Verbally? Yes, I have. Trust the tongue and mouth that I have to piss off someone. Words from my mum kept ringing in my head. She has always asked me not to get into troubles and to keep my sarcasm at the very minimum. She knew I would get into trouble one day. Bust still, I didn't heed her words. What to do? That's my character. I'm never the one who will keep quiet when someone insults me.

I hate it when someone calls me a bastard. Cause a bastard simply means having no father and no mother and born out of wedlock. Yet, you dare to call me that without checking out the definition. It hurts me really. I was raised up without a father's love and now that he had passed on, my mum is the only one I seek solace with. If you called me a bastard, aren't you wishing that my mum is gone? I can't take that. Scold me if you want but don't humilate me. Ever since I was young, my mum always reminded me that though I lack a father's love, I was no different from other kids. She has always provided me with the best and I really love her. Seriously, I don't want to worry her. She is at a ge where she should be enjoying her life. Yet, time and time again, I disappoint her. I always get into trouble, since primary school and it really made feel regretful seeing her hurt.

Three days before school officially closes. After that, three days of examination and I will be out of the school. I have tried getting out of troubles but if it bothers me, why can't I actually fight against them?

I don't think I will be telling my mum at this moment. I don't want her to get worried. I've learned over the past weeks how much sacrifice she made for me. It's simply amazing and I can't seem to repay her back. All I can do now is study hard and prove to others that coming from a single parent family, you can do well as well. I never go through a day without thinking about my mum's well being. I'm so afraid of losing her. She's the only person who's left to take care of me.

I'm definitely emotionally unstable right now. And I can only blame myself.

Anyway, got a missed call just now. Called it back and turns out to be the school. Apparently, someone had told the staff about the incident. They asked what happened. I just told them it was a small matter. I didn't want to blow it up. Everyone is waiting to graduate and I didn't want to ruin others' dream of getting a full cert. *shrug* I don't know if they are gonna pursue the matter. I rather not. It's just plain silly.

I hope tomorrow will be a better day. With that, mum, I love you.

Maiden post

2004-05-08T15:58:24Z

Oh well, thanks to the guys over at The Year Book, I finally got done with my LJ. Thanks guys for spreading the LJ love all around. I doubt many people will comment anyway but I'm excited to post my first ever entry.

You will probably be reading a lot of my rants here cause I'm always full of angst. Heh, don't worry. If you don't offend me, then you shouldn't be afraid.

Anyway, as you can see, I hardly have friends. So, if you want me to add you, feel free to leave me a comment mmkay? Love ya lots.

Shay